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Mon, 04/28/2008 - 2:20pm
Special Needs
By Sharon Randall
We all anticipate the birth of our children with great joy. But when you receive the news that a sibling or a close friend has delivered a child with special needs, immediate discomfort may set in.
Here are 10 ways you can help your friends and family welcome their new arrival:
1. Extend congratulations. As hard as it may be to balance feelings of grief or discomfort with feelings of congratulations, you should send on genuine congratulations anyway. The baby is a gift, a new life to be welcomed, no matter what the crisis. Don’t be afraid to send a card or balloons to welcome the new one into your family fold or circle of friends.
2. Do your research. In the case where a diagnosis has been shared, do your own research. The family is dealing with a lot right now and to place the role of educator on them at this time may be overwhelming. There are plenty of Web sites available to gain a general understanding of many infant syndromes and conditions. Educating yourself will give you some common ground on which to interact with the family. (If you find organizations with information available, send along a request and have the information sent on to you. You can share the materials at a later when things have settled down.)
3. Send a resource book. When my son Davis was unexpectedly born with Down syndrome, I received four copies of a parents’ guide from four different friends before I even left the hospital. I didn’t need four copies, but their gestures of going on-line and sending along the best resource they could find remains a warm memory for me today.
4. Buy a restaurant gift certificate: Consider holding off on the baby gift until you can meet the baby in person and buy a gift certificate for the family instead (or do both if you’re able). If there is going to be an extended hospital stay, find a comfortable restaurant close to the hospital to make life easier for an evening. If the family is in need, often there are ways to pick up parking fees at hospital lots as well.
5. Be present. Extend your support through phone calls, emails and visits. Let the family know you are thinking about them. Ask if there is anything you can do.
6. Babysit. If there are other siblings to think about, offer to take them out to a movie or to a playground. Give the new parents some time to regroup and settle in with the newest family member. If there are no other siblings, offer to babysit the infant as soon as the family is ready.
7. Reach out to the grandparents. Although many advances have been made in medical science, therapeutic interventions and disability laws, grandparents are relying on their own experiences from many years ago when having special needs usually meant lives would go unfulfilled. If you know the grandparents, reach out and congratulate them as well. They are often in need of as much support as the new parents.
8. Take a photo. There is a refrigerator in the family’s home waiting to be covered with photos of the new baby. I know many parents who cherish first photos, even if the baby’s first photos include intravenous or breathing tubes. This family wants to capture early memories as does any other. Send along a photo as your contribution to the new baby’s photo album.
9. Connect friends. People who have children with special needs are eager to connect with new parents and offer support and encouragement. If you know of someone else with a child with the same special needs, or know of someone who knows someone, don’t hesitate to make the introductions. The support of a family who understands what the new family is going through is a very special type of support.
10. Stick with it. Having a child with special needs changes a family for a lifetime. Although the family will settle in across time, keep it on your list to check in with them regularly. New ages will present new challenges, and a supportive call or email to ask how the child is doing across the years will mean a lot.
Sharon Randall is cofounder of Morning Travelers, an organization that encourages and supports families of children affected by Down syndrome through playgroups and family activities.
Special Needs
10 Ways to Welcome a Baby with Special Needs
By Sharon Randall
We all anticipate the birth of our children with great joy. But when you receive the news that a sibling or a close friend has delivered a child with special needs, immediate discomfort may set in.
Here are 10 ways you can help your friends and family welcome their new arrival:
1. Extend congratulations. As hard as it may be to balance feelings of grief or discomfort with feelings of congratulations, you should send on genuine congratulations anyway. The baby is a gift, a new life to be welcomed, no matter what the crisis. Don’t be afraid to send a card or balloons to welcome the new one into your family fold or circle of friends.
3. Send a resource book. When my son Davis was unexpectedly born with Down syndrome, I received four copies of a parents’ guide from four different friends before I even left the hospital. I didn’t need four copies, but their gestures of going on-line and sending along the best resource they could find remains a warm memory for me today.
4. Buy a restaurant gift certificate: Consider holding off on the baby gift until you can meet the baby in person and buy a gift certificate for the family instead (or do both if you’re able). If there is going to be an extended hospital stay, find a comfortable restaurant close to the hospital to make life easier for an evening. If the family is in need, often there are ways to pick up parking fees at hospital lots as well.
5. Be present. Extend your support through phone calls, emails and visits. Let the family know you are thinking about them. Ask if there is anything you can do.
6. Babysit. If there are other siblings to think about, offer to take them out to a movie or to a playground. Give the new parents some time to regroup and settle in with the newest family member. If there are no other siblings, offer to babysit the infant as soon as the family is ready.
7. Reach out to the grandparents. Although many advances have been made in medical science, therapeutic interventions and disability laws, grandparents are relying on their own experiences from many years ago when having special needs usually meant lives would go unfulfilled. If you know the grandparents, reach out and congratulate them as well. They are often in need of as much support as the new parents.
8. Take a photo. There is a refrigerator in the family’s home waiting to be covered with photos of the new baby. I know many parents who cherish first photos, even if the baby’s first photos include intravenous or breathing tubes. This family wants to capture early memories as does any other. Send along a photo as your contribution to the new baby’s photo album.
9. Connect friends. People who have children with special needs are eager to connect with new parents and offer support and encouragement. If you know of someone else with a child with the same special needs, or know of someone who knows someone, don’t hesitate to make the introductions. The support of a family who understands what the new family is going through is a very special type of support.
10. Stick with it. Having a child with special needs changes a family for a lifetime. Although the family will settle in across time, keep it on your list to check in with them regularly. New ages will present new challenges, and a supportive call or email to ask how the child is doing across the years will mean a lot.
Sharon Randall is cofounder of Morning Travelers, an organization that encourages and supports families of children affected by Down syndrome through playgroups and family activities.
