Ages & Stages
 

Going Through Something

By Elizabeth Esse Kahrs

“You guys are so lucky you don’t have a mirror behind you.”

My Pilates instructor stands in front of the class, bent over, head between her legs. She has a perfect view of her own behind.

“I mean, really. I’m standing here thinking, “Whose butt IS this?”

Most of us in the class burst out laughing.

I say most of us—because most of us get the joke. We too are mid-forty-somethings in the midst of coming to terms with our changing bodies. “Changing” is a rather kind word. What I really mean is, sagging, drooping, widening, and puffing out.  Like when I was in the car the other day staring in the rearview mirror playing with my face—if I pull it this way those pockets of skin by the corners of my jaw virtually disappear!

The weird thing is, when I was in my twenties and even in my thirties, I couldn’t imagine making such a remark about my appearance. It was way too serious a thing, this notion of impending oldulthood. The irony is, here I am at mid-forty, feeling more comfortable about myself at a time when I should be uncomfortable. A daily trip to the mirror is proof of that. But for some reason, I don’t care. Okay, I care. But not in that obsessive way I used to—in that self-conscious, self-doubting, I am still a thirteen-year-old, kind of way.

Ten years ago, I’d see those articles in women’s magazines, the ones aimed at the over forty crowd—about taking charge of your life, fulfilling your dreams etc… and I’d think they were ridiculous. Really, I’d think they were sad. I wondered why women of this age needed such instruction. Shouldn’t they have learned these things already? But I get it now. I get it because it’s happening to me.  It’s not that I haven’t learned these things—it’s that I wasn’t receptive to them—not fully, not like I am now.  It’s like a floodgate has opened, a sort of freeing up, an ability to go for things that I’d never had the courage to go after before.

To those of you who have yet to reach this ripe old age, I’m telling you, it’s something to look forward to. Gone is that time wasted ruminating in your head about trivial matters (well, for the most part—we all have an occasional slip) and because of this, your time and mental energy can be devoted to things more fulfilling.

That said, most of my friends are nuts. I say this because it’s true. Okay, not full- blown bonkers, but we are “going through” something—a revolution of sorts, in our bodies and in our minds. Something is happening to all of us and it manifests itself in different ways. One of my friends has gone the crystal route—Feng Shui and yoga and all that. Another is into Buddhism and raw food. Another has gone back to school to get her MFA. I’m currently immersed in a book called, The Brain that Changes Itself. We are all searching for something that has been missing in our lives—trying to put the pieces together now that we are no longer burdened by the insecurity of youth and the anxiety and sleep deprivation that comes with new motherhood.

So, to all of you out there who are “going through something,” I welcome you to embrace this new found freedom and capitalize on it. And to all of you who currently remain at the periphery—younger, bogged down by life, and saner—take heart, it’s coming for you.

The club is always accepting new members.